Prologue Eight
Years Earlier
"I have something real important to tell you," Curtis said to Tanya,
the woman he'd been dating for quite some time now. "Probably one of the
most important things I will ever have to tell anyone."
"Okay," she said as calmly as she could, but in reality she was about
to spill over with curiosity.
"Remember when I told you that I thought God had called me to preach?"
he asked.
"Yes," she acknowledged.
"Well, no matter how hard I've tried to ignore it, I know now that I
have to accept it."
Tanya reached out to hug him and they embraced for a few seconds. "I'm
really, really happy for you, because I know you've been struggling with
this for some time now," she said.
"I always knew it was the right thing for me to do, but I guess I was
sort of hesitant because I didn't want to do anything that would disappoint
God. This is a serious commitment, and I didn't want to accept my calling
until I was sure I could be faithful to the pulpit. I know it's not going
to be easy, but Tanya, I really do believe that I can make a difference
in a lot of people's lives."
"Honey, I know you can. And you will, so long as you continue to follow
God and you always remember to put Him first."
"My vision is so great. And what I want more than anything is to encourage
people to live their lives in the right way and to teach them the word
of God so that they truly understand it. So that they truly understand
what they have to do in order to be rewarded with eternal life."
His words were powerful, and Tanya felt a sense of serenity just listening
to him. She'd known for the last couple of years that he was destined
to be one of God's leaders. He'd always been a decent person since the
day she'd met him, and not once could she ever remember him wanting to
party with his friends or do any of the things that most college men seemed
to enjoy doing. He was different, and that was the main reason why she'd
been so attracted to him. He was so respectable and straight-laced if
you will. Which had been fine with her, because alcohol, drugs, and wild
parties hadn't been her forte either.
Curtis continued. "I'm telling you, sweetheart, the sky is the limit
to what I can accomplish with my ministry. Who knows, maybe I'll even
become senior pastor at one of the prominent churches here in Atlanta.
Or maybe I'll even build my own church. But more than anything, you know
what I eventually would like to do?"
"What's that?"
"Become an evangelist, so that I can take my ministry all across the
country. And who knows, maybe even to other parts of the world where people
are a lot less fortunate than we are."
"You've really got it all planned out don't you?" Tanya said laughing.
Curtis laughed with her. "I guess I do."
"Well, there's nothing wrong with being ambitious, because that's what
will make all the difference in the world for you as a minister. And I
want you to know, that I am so proud of you for making this decision."
"I'm glad to hear you say that, because I wasn't sure how you would react
to being with a minister," he said, grabbing both of Tanya's hands.
His face was serious, and Tanya wondered what was next on his agenda.
You know that I love you, right?" he asked.
"Yes," she answered.
"And you love me, right?" he asked staring straight into her eyes.
"You know I do. I always have."
Curtis sighed deeply, moved from the sofa and kneeled down in front of
her on one knee. Then he pulled out a small, felt-textured box.
Tanya covered her mouth in disbelief.
"Sweetheart, will you marry me?"
Tanya swallowed hard with tears flowing down her face, but quickly answered
his question. "Yes, Curtis. I will."
He smiled at her, stood to his feet, and pulled her up from where she
was sitting. They held each other closely and Tanya felt like melting
to the floor when her future husband kissed her. She was so in love with
him, and she could tell that his feelings for her were the same. And now
he was going to be a minister, and better yet, maybe even a pastor of
his own church some day. He was so happy. They were happy together. And
Tanya couldn't imagine life being any better than the way it was for them
right now. But best of all, she had a feeling that they were going to
be happy with each other forever. And that was the one thing she'd always
dreamed of.
Chapter 1
Tanya crossed her legs for what seemed like the hundredth time and gazed
at her husband in disgust. She'd been sitting as patiently as she possibly
could, pretending to pay attention to what he was saying. But the more
she listened to his pathetic observations, the more annoyed she became.
And just looking at the eight hundred dollar suit, the overpriced dress
shoes and the expensive gold watch he was wearing was enough to make any
human being puke. She couldn't believe he actually had the audacity to
stand before his 3000-plus congregation, practically demanding that they
give more money. Exactly how much more money did he think these people
could afford, anyway? The majority of them were already obeying God's
word by paying ten percent of their weekly incomes, and to suggest that
they should be giving anything more than that, was simply ridiculous.
That is, unless there was a reason for it. An important reason like one
of the families being left homeless due to a fire or flood. Or one of
the less fortunate members needing assistance with emergency medical bills
or help with burying their deceased loved ones. As far as Tanya was concerned,
situations like those were fine, but anything else just didn't seem justified
to her. Every Sunday Curtis laid down the same wretched guilt trip, and
she was sick of it: "You are robbing God, if you don't pay your tithes,
and He will bless you even more, if you give an additional offering."
It was so hard to believe that this was the same man she'd married eight
years ago. She'd thought for sure that Curtis Black was the man of her
eternal dreams. He was intelligent, responsible, attractive, and without
a doubt, the most spiritually-grounded man she'd ever made acquaintance
with. They'd met during her junior year at Spelman, his senior year at
Morehouse and had fallen hopelessly in love with each other from the very
beginning. He pursued his bachelor degree in business, and she worked
hard on her degree in psychology. Then shortly after they each completed
their graduate studies in counseling, Curtis announced that God had called
him to preach, and that he wanted her hand in marriage. And for the first
six years, they'd been happier than any married couple could have thought
possible. Everyone said they were a perfect match, and their friends and
family members always raved over how attractive the two of them looked
together. Curtis with his tall, broad-shouldered body and deep mocha complexion,
and Tanya with her black, bobbed-like hairstyle and medium cocoa skin-tone.
But what all their admirers didn't know, was that not everything that
looked good was, and that her and Curtis's model marriage had long since
turned into something very ugly and dreadfully different.
If they all only knew about the horrible rumors that had started only
weeks after Curtis was installed as pastor of Faith Missionary Baptist
Church, which was located on the south side of Chicago, and how Tanya
had purposely tried to ignore each and every one of them-hoping that these
rumors were nothing more than vicious lies. That is, until those lies
began floating in a mile a minute, from every possible direction, and
she'd had no choice accept to believe that at least some of what she was
hearing had to be true.
The thought of Curtis sleeping with another woman had always made her
cringe, but now Tanya's pain was slowly turning to rage. She hated the
ground that he walked on and everything he stood for. She wished him dead
on almost every occasion, and she wasn't sure just how much more of this
facade of a marriage she could actually take. She was sick of him and
sick of pretending that they were this perfect couple who loved each other
more than life itself. And even worse, she hated him for not spending
any time with their six-year-old daughter, Alicia-the same daughter who
still worshiped everything that had to do with her father. She didn't
deserve to be neglected by him in that way, and just thinking about how
he treated her pissed Tanya off.
Oh, but enough was enough. And as soon as they arrived back at their
South suburban home in Covington Park, wife of a pastor or not, she was
going to show him a side of her that he'd never ever seen before. Tanya
snapped out of her daydream and watched her husband step away from the
podium. She couldn't believe he was still begging for more money.
"We as black people have little, because we think little, and I want
you all to know that it's up to you and I to take care of Faith Missionary
Baptist Church," Curtis said, walking down the center aisle of the beautiful
sanctuary, just past the second pew where Tanya was sitting. "If you want
me to take you places that you've never gone before, then we are going
to have to get rid of these stingy attitudes. I can feel them throughout
the entire congregation, and it ain't nothin' but the devil who is trying
to convince you to hold on to those purses and those wallets. Who gave
you those purses and those wallets in the first place? And who gave you
those good jobs that most of you go to every day? And who gave you a roof
over your head, clothes on your back, and food on your table? I'll tell
you who. God did."
Curtis paused for a moment and shut his eyes. Then he opened them. "God
has laid an important message on my heart. He wants me to ask every adult
who is here right now to give an extra twenty dollars this morning."
Tanya noticed some of the members looking around at each other. Some
even whispered to the person sitting next to them. And it was obvious
that most of them were sick and tired of dealing with this same old Jim
Jones-Jim Baker-Jimmy Swaggert-need-more-money sort of mentality. She
couldn't help but wonder just how far Curtis was actually willing to go
when it came to getting what he wanted from these innocent people. But
the more she thought about it, the more she realized that her husband
really didn't have any limitations when it came to anything.
And that was the one thing that frightened her the most.
Right after the Black family changed out of their Sunday-go-to-meeting
attire, they each sat down at the kitchen table to eat the barbecued rib
dinners they'd picked up on the way home from church. Usually they sat
in the dining room for Sunday dinners, but sometimes when they ordered
take-out, they ate in the kitchen instead.
"So, baby girl," Curtis said to his daughter. Did you enjoy the service
today?"
"Yes. You preached really good, Daddy," she said smiling.
Tanya smiled, but only to pacify Alicia.
"And you sounded real good yourself when you lead that song today," he
complimented her. Alicia was a member of the children's choir.
"Thanks," she beamed.
"What about you, baby?" he turned his attention to Tanya. "Did you enjoy
the service?"
"It was fine," she said trying to keep her composure, because she didn't
know how much longer she was going to be able to control herself.
"The spirit was really moving through the church today, wasn't it?" he
continued.
"Yeah, I guess it was," she answered.
"Mom?" Alicia said. "Can I go next door to Lisa's?"
"I guess, but if they're in the middle of eating dinner, then I want
you to come right back home."
"I'll bet they already ate because they get out of church way earlier
than we do," Alicia offered.
Hmmph, Tanya thought. Everybody got out of church earlier than they did.
She didn't know a lot of African-American Catholics, but their next door
neighbors never missed mass on any week she could think of. And they were
always home before noon every Sunday.
"Okay, but make sure you wash your hands before you go." Tanya instructed.
Alicia did what her mother told her, and then left out of the house in
a hurry.
But as soon as Alicia had barely darkened the front doorway, Tanya lit
into Curtis like a mad woman.
"You know, Curtis, I don't know who you think you are, but you are not
God's gift to this earth," she said, shoving the wooden chair that she
was sitting in up to the table as hard as she could. She'd tried to calm
herself down during the drive home and then again when they first starting
eating dinner, but now she felt like she was going to explode.
Curtis frowned. "What are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what the hell I'm talking about."
"No. I don't. And I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't use that kind of
language in my house," Curtis said spooning up a helping of peach cobbler.
Tanya glared at him and wanted to slap that dessert right down his throat.
"What do you mean your house?" she asked folding her arms, staring at
him. "Because, this house is just as much mine as it is yours. And you'd
better get this through your head, too: I'll say whatever I feel like
saying. Whenever I feel like it. You might control those tramps you sleep
around with, but you don't control anything that has to do with me."
"Lord have mercy," Curtis said squinting his eyes at Tanya. "This ain't
nothin' but the devil tryin' to come between us, because Lord knows I
haven't been sleeping around with any women?"
"Curtis, please. I mean, why is the devil always responsible for everything
when it comes to you getting caught up in your mess? And, if that's the
case, then let me ask you this. Is he responsible for you laying up with
practically every woman at the church who will have your little jack-leg
preachin' ass?" Tanya said and was shocked at her own words. She'd hadn't
spoken so profanely since college, and even more so since she became a
minister's wife, and she wasn't proud of it. But it was just that she'd
had it up to here, there and everywhere with Curtis's sleeping around
with all these women. She didn't have one ounce of proof, but that was
only because he was always so smooth, slick, and secretive with his wrongdoings.
But she knew what he was up to, because he'd long stopped satisfying her
in bed, and to tell the truth, their lovemaking was nonexistent. And no
man, especially one who was as high-natured and passionate in bed as Curtis,
could go without sex week after week, and lately, month after month. No.
Pastor Curtis Jasper Black was definitely getting his needs fulfilled
somewhere else. She was sure of it.
Curtis looked at his wife like she was crazy. "Why are you doing all
that cursing?"
"Now, which do you think is worse, Curtis? Me using the word hell and
a-s-s or you running around all over town committing adultery? See, that's
the thing with you, you're always pointing out what everyone else is doing
wrong when all along, you're doing something much worse. And to think
you're the head of a prominent Baptist church. Please."
Curtis shook his head in confusion. "I don't know what's gotten into
you, but I'm going to pray for you. Maybe we need to pray together, so
the devil can loosen his hold on you."
"What's gotten into me is that I'm sick of hearing all these rumors about
you and these women, and I'm sick of you coming into this house sometimes
as late as midnight and one o'clock in the morning. Claiming that you've
been doing the work of the Lord. Claiming that you were at some Baptist
ministers' meeting. Claiming that so-and-so needed you at the hospital
all evening to pray for their dying soul. Or that Mary, Sue, and Jane
needed you to pray for their gangbanging son. Yeah right," she said throwing
the last of the dinner dishes into the dishwasher.
Curtis sighed deeply and then stood up from the table. "Look, I've had
enough of this. And I won't be spoken to this way in my own house. I'm
the head of this house, and you will respect me whether you want to or
not. A wife has a place, and she should stay in it. And I'm only going
to tell you this one last time. I'm not sleeping around with any women.
I love you and Alicia, and I would never betray my family. Regardless
of what you and any of the rest of those gossipy women at church think.
They're just jealous, and the sooner you figure that out, the better off
we'll be."
"Jealous of what, Curtis?"
"Jealous of the way you dress, the kind of house you live in, and that
brand-new Lincoln Navigator that you drive around in every day. The ones
who are talking are the ones who wish they were in your shoes."
She couldn't believe how shallow and superficial he was when it came
to petty luxuries. And what did material things have to do with anything,
anyway? And since she didn't know, she decided to ask him. "What do material
things have to do with you sleeping around, Curtis?"
"Look," he yelled at the top of his lungs. "I've already told you a hundred
times. I'm not sleeping around with anybody."
"Well, then, why don't you make love to me anymore? Huh? Explain that."
"Look, I'm under a lot of pressure, and being pastor of a church as large
as Faith Missionary involves a lot of hard work. You know how tired I
am every evening when I get home. But I promise, things will eventually
get better."
"Maybe when hell freezes over, but then I don't plan on staying around
long enough to see if things will get better or not," she said wiping
the kitchen table.
Curtis laughed sarcastically and shook his head. Then he grabbed his
car keys. "I'm out of here. And I hope the devil has turned you loose
by the time I get back, because I really don't want to hear anymore of
these paranoid accusations."
As he turned to walk out of the kitchen, Tanya threw the wet dishcloth
and hit him in the back of his head.
"See, that's why I'm never here. And for the record. Maybe I don't make
love to you anymore, because you're always doing all that nagging, and
it really turns me off."
"If you were being the faithful husband that you're supposed to be, then
I wouldn't have anything to nag about. And on top of that, what about
Alicia? You hardly spend any time with her, and I'm sick of you neglecting
her the way you do," Tanya said and wanted to cry her eyes out. Partly
because of how Curtis was ignoring their daughter, but mostly because
he'd actually admitted that she turned him off sexually.
"Look. Alicia knows how much I love her, and she also knows how busy
I am with church business. As a matter of fact, she seems to understand
that more than you do. And you're my wife."
"She's only a child, Curtis. And she'll believe anything you tell her
because you're her father. But, I'm not six years old like her. And I
know for a fact that there isn't that much church business going on anywhere."
"Whatever, Tanya," he said and opened the door leading to the garage.
"Where are you going?" she yelled behind him. "To lay up with Adrienne
Jackson?"
"To lay up with who?" he said, laughing in denial.
"You heard exactly what I said. To lay up with Adrienne Jackson," Tanya
repeated, becoming more angry by the second. She'd heard that Deacon Jackson's
wife was Curtis's prime-cut mistress, and although Tanya didn't have proof
of it, she couldn't dismiss what she'd been hearing.
"If you must know, I'm going out to visit some members on the sick list,"
he said without looking back at her.
"Liar!" Tanya shouted. But, Curtis shut the door. And it wasn't long
before she heard him driving down the street.
Tanya sat down at the kitchen table and clasped her hands together under
her chin. A thousand thoughts circulated through her mind. A part of her
wanted to believe that her marriage had a chance, but things were so awful
between her and Curtis, that she was starting to seriously doubt it. He
didn't seem to care about her at all anymore, and it had gotten to the
place where he found any and every excuse in the book to spend time away
from her and Alicia. She was so tired, and even though she was angry,
she was hurt. And she was ashamed of the way she had spoken to him. He'd
deserved every bit of it, but that wasn't her usual way of handling things.
Her parents hadn't raised her that way, but as of late, she hadn't been
able to control the way she felt, much less the things she said. Not to
mention the violent and conniving thoughts she'd been having. The kind
of thoughts that were totally against any and everything she believed
in. She'd been sure that marrying a minister would guarantee her complete
happiness, because it certainly had for her Aunt Margaret in Memphis,
but now she knew that not every minister was sincere, and that some were
merely playing with God. She regretted ever going out on a first date
with Curtis. As a matter of fact, the only positive thing she'd gotten
out of this whole ordeal was her sweet, little, innocent Alicia. And as
much as she wanted to divorce Curtis, she knew she had her to consider.
She didn't know how much longer she could sleep in the same bed with Curtis,
but she knew she had an obligation to her daughter. Which meant she had
no choice except to continue living a life of complete turmoil until Alicia
turned eighteen. Which, unfortunately, wasn't going to be until twelve
years from now.
Tanya grunted at her last thought, and then heard the phone ringing.
She glanced up at the caller I.D., and saw that it was Curtis calling
from his cellular phone. She wasn't in the mood for anymore arguing, and
she definitely didn't want to hear anymore of Curtis's lying. But she
reached and picked up the cordless phone just the same.
"What?" she said in a non-chalant tone of voice.
"Tanya. Look. I'm really sorry for arguing with you, and I'm even more
sorry for not spending any quality time with you and Alicia. But I'm telling
you. From this day forward, things are going to be different," he said
and paused. Then he continued.
"You sound like you're ready to divorce me, and that's not what I want."
Tanya listened, but she was leery. Especially since Faith Missionary's
bylaws specifically stated that in order for a minister to keep his position
as pastor of the church, he had to be married. So, she couldn't help but
wonder if that's what his real reason for calling was. The real reason
he was sounding like he was in beg mode. A mode that The Reverend Curtis
Black never thought he needed to shift into for anyone.
She switched the phone from one ear to the other, but didn't say anything.
"I know you're upset," he continued. "But we can work this out. I'll
be home in a couple of hours or so, and we can talk then. Alright?"
"I don't know that talking is really going to change anything. Because,
it's not like you can take back what you've been doing."
"Tanya. I'm telling you. No matter what you've been hearing. I'm not
messing around with any other woman. I admit that I have purposely tried
to find things to do, just so I wouldn't have to spend so much time at
home, but that's only because you and I have been having so many arguments.
But for the millionth time, I would never sleep with another woman. You
and I took vows before God, and I have a commitment to Him, you, and our
daughter."
"Mmm. Hmm," Tanya said rolling her eyes toward the ceiling in disbelief.
"I'll talk to you when I get home, okay? And Tanya?"
"What?" she answered irritably.
"I love you."
Tanya didn't say anything.
"Did you hear me?"
"I heard you," she said in a so-what tone of voice.
"You're not going to say it back, though. Right?"
"Curtis, I think you and I are much too old to be playing these little
teenage phone games, and if you want to talk to me, I'll be here when
you get home."
"Okay, okay. I'll see you later."
Tanya hung up the phone and walked outside to check on Alicia. |
CASTING
THE FIRST STONE was a Blackboard African-American Bestseller for seven
months in 2000, and was #1 for four of those months consecutively.